It was exactly as half-arsed as you’d expect
From Ed Sheeran looking like a ginger fridge in that suit, to Plan B’s emotional appeal over the screen about how he “wants to give the youth a chance”, this year’s awards ceremony was precisely as you’d expect. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. There was no gaffes or Jarvis Cocker showing his bare arse, there was no Belle and Sebastien beating a clear favourite, there wasn’t even a Union Jack dress. Come back Geri, all is forgiven.
Harry and Taylor are not the 21st century John and Yoko
Whilst I’m sure the inner pages of Closer and Glamour will toil over the fact Taylor was “eek, wearing a wedding dress!!” in front of Harry Styles, does anybody actually care? Apparently so. One scarlet-faced Directioner ranted “How can you say Taylor Swift is cute? Why can’t you see she’s a skank who emotionally blackmails guys into her bed? WHY??”. One article this morning referred to them as the 21st century John and Yoko. If that’s the case, I can’t wait for the pair to grow beards and stay in bed all week. At least then we don’t have to listen to the bludgeoning of ‘One Way or Another’.
The American music industry is in a much better state than ours
I’m sure Mumford and Sons and Ben Howard are perfectly nice but….actually, what if they aren’t? What if they are horrible nasty cretins? It would make them infinitely more interesting, for a start. If you compare the ‘Best International Male’ category to the ‘Best British Male’ one, it’s like comparing the filmography of Ken Loach to Freddie Got Fingered. Frank Ocean picked up an award which was potentially the only thirty-two seconds of the show worth watching, but Ben Howard? Nothing says ‘voice of a generation’ like a bloke from Surrey with a geology professor’s face in a plain t-shirt with an acoustic guitar. And Mumford and Sons? If you like Mumford and Sons, I’ve got some devastating news for you: you don’t know the first thing about anything. Sorry.
Emeli Sande will still be on your television screens every second of every minute in 2013
As if the endless Olympic and sporadic chat show appearances wasn’t enough for Emeli Sande’s PR department, they felt they had to squeeze her onto the screen at the BRITs every four minutes. To be fair, you can see where they are coming from, Emeli Sande hasn’t been given enough exposure in 2013.
The Brit Awards is now an archaic institution
Compare the BRITs to the Oscars. Sure, the majority of the Academy are over 80, male and white and vote in rigid conventions. However, the Academy Awards give their gongs to the most deserving films usually. Not the most commercial, or the most fashionable, or whichever film Nick Grimshaw raves about on his mundane morning radio slot. The BRITs don’t treat music as an art form. They treat it as a product which can be sold, bought and reviewed. Can you imagine if the Academy Awards did the same? The ‘Best Film’ would be a two-horse race between Breaking Dawn: Part 2 and The Amazing Spider-Man. It’s time the BRITs started celebrating musicians who hone their craft, create works of art and breathe music. Otherwise, I’ll carry on not giving a damn about them.
James Daniel Rodger
Dance Yrself Clean
